The stunning secret to good boundaries in your coding career
Have you ever had someone walk all over you? Simon and I worked together. He insisted on telling me how to do my work.
“Tom, you should change this interface and add the new class here,” Simon commanded me.
I sat in frustration.
“Then we can deploy this change.” He continued.
“I am not going to do it that way.” I firmly shared.
Simon couldn’t believe what I was saying. I had never disagreed with him.
“That won’t work because of the external dependency.” I started to explain my point loudly. As I continued on I began to calm down. Although Simon I could tell was furious.
That was a big step for me to begin to set boundaries with Simon. After letting him dictate my work, I had to change the dynamics to be more professional.
Define Boundaries
I grew up on a farm. I learned the importance of fences. We had horses and our neighbors had pigs. Occasionally our horses got out. Similarly, our neighbor's pigs did as well.
Fences enforce boundaries. If they are shoddy things become chaotic. In life, we need to create clear boundaries. What is our responsibility? What is our neighbor's responsibility?
Work Boundaries
Working on a team can be confusing. Who is going to do what? How do we do collaborative work? Unfortunately, there aren’t a few hard fast rules here.
To get this right we must be constantly seeking clarity. I heard someone explain tightrope walking like this. On a tightrope, you are never balanced. Essentially, you are always adjusting. Too far to one side, correct, move on.
Keep asking questions to foster clarity. Why do we need this meeting? Who is going to handle this task? Good boundaries are a work in progress.
Teammates
A team is a particular group that collaborates frequently. Your teammates will naturally work with you on many assignments. Conversations about work and responsibilities can clear a lot of issues.
In Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less Greg McKeown shares a story of a collaboration. Many people thought these two couldn’t work together.
Greg outlined how he had an honest conversation at their initial meeting. They both agreed on how they would work together. It sets the tone for honest communication.
Similar to how agile teams create working agreements. A frank discussion can clear up any misguided assumptions. Take some time at the start with your team members to start on the right foot.
Leader
As a leader, we must foster firm boundaries with our team. Support your team the best you can. At the end of the day, they need to do their work. This can be a tough transition if you are a new leader.
We all have leaders. We need to follow them. Although, we need to set limits. For instance, if your boss asks you to do something illegal you need to make it clear that you won’t do that.
Not all decisions are easy. There are times when things get murky. Your leader might ask you to lead a project you aren’t on board with. We need to weigh our options.
Respect others
Sometimes the best way to respect a coworker is to give them a firm NO. Don’t be a jerk but make your point clear. When you are non-committal it can create tension.
Apply this to people who tell you no as well. Be respectful of their decisions. A good fence is helpful to both parties. That can lead to a better working relationship.
Conversations
Working with people interesting topics may come up. Some topics can be controversial. Others can be classified as TMI or Too Much Information.
As you interact with teammates remember this question. Is that your monkey? My uncle likes to use this one. My aunt will begin to obsess about someone else’s business. To which my uncle will say, “That is not your monkey!”
Essentially, we need to solve our challenges. Perhaps you want to teach your team how to code in Python. No matter how bad you want it if they don’t want to learn you can’t teach them.
In the book Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud has a well-meaning mother and father talk to them about their son. They think he is lazy. The parents relate the story of how they have raised their son.
After they complete their explanation Dr. Cloud says, “Your son doesn’t have a problem. You have taken them all away.” Fundamentally, we must let people solve their problems. The challenge is the catalyst for growth.
Part of a good career is sound boundaries. Collaborating with other developers they will get tested. People will try to take advantage of you.
Consider what your non-negotiables are in your vocation. Be firm on those and let others know. As a people pleaser myself it can be difficult. I have learned it's easier to be firm at the start. It is hard to set limits once someone has walked all over you.